HOW TO BECOME A TOTAL FAILURE

The morning radio show - the radio from hell show on X96 - I listen to most mornings were going off on the inane movie sequels we will be subjected to this summer. Transformers 2, Ice Age 3 and so on. So I got a big laugh the other day when I opened my email and saw a message from a movie producer wondering if I’d be interested in writing the screenplay for part 3 of the Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood series.

I’m not a screenwriter and yet they are offering me $10,000 if I can complete the screenplay in 60 days. How they found me is not so much a mystery as I have blogged about the book many times as a great example of how an author worked hard to make her book a New York Times Best-seller. I also have a profile on guru.com and I have looked for ghostwriters myself.

But think about how they are going about the process of finding a writer. Apparently they are going to Google and doing a search and/or going to Guru.com to find a ghostwriter. Their instructions are simple: watch part 2 (you don’t need to watch part 1 they say) come up with a plot and write the screenplay. You have 60 days and you’ll make $10,000.

I don’t wonder anymore why sequels are so sloppy. It’s all about the money and about doing the least that’s necessary to succeed. Sequels are usually only made on movies that have done well with the first movie (not sure why The Pink Panther movie has a sequel - the Steve Martin version) so you’d think with all those profits they could afford to find a “real” writer and pay him or her fairly to create a sequel that rises above the previous movies.

 I understand good sequels do come along occassionally. Batman Begins comes to mind. But generally speaking, sequels do not live up to the hype.

I’d like to go on with my rant, but the kids are hovering by the front door waiting for me to take them to Ice Age 3.